


Reaching for the Stars

by Tousled_Sky



Series: Land of Enchantment [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depressed Khan, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Khan being emotionally compromised, Land of Enchantment AU, Past Child Abuse, Religion, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 02:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16150307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tousled_Sky/pseuds/Tousled_Sky
Summary: It's not exactly like Augments were made to be loved.





	Reaching for the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, loves! This is a story from a series that I've wanted to post for a while now - it's from an AU I'm calling Land of Enchantment, where Khan, his brother, and his mother Juana escaped from an experimental facility in Mexico when Khan was about ten. They hop the border to New Mexico and try to get to the Canadian border, having to evade bounty hunters all the while. The AU is one of my favorite that I've come up with, and hopefully I'll be able to post more content from it soon, but it's still a work in progress. As it is, this isn't exactly canon in the AU - it's just a sad scene I thought of and wanted to write. Enjoy, loves~

_“Khan,”_ Juana had told him long ago, kneeling on the floor of the labs next to him, _“is a name from one of my long-past ancestors. He fought bravely to save his family and land from the European conquerors, when the land that we today call Mexico was being invaded.”_

_“Are people always named after ancestors?”_ Khan had asked, not quite sure yet how names worked. After all, the only thing he’d ever been addressed as up to this point was the number tattooed onto the back of his neck.

_“No, not always. But it fits you. You have the eyes of a warrior – a warrior just like he was. But, more than a warrior, he was a hero to his family.”_

_“Will I be a hero too someday?”_

Juana smiled. _“Khan, if you love your family, you’ll always be their hero.”_

Sitting on the edge of the cot in his cell now, Khan doesn’t feel like a hero.

The torpedoes were gone. Fired and exploded, and with them, his family. Dead and gone.

It wasn’t _fair._ He had fought _so hard_ to save them. Everything, _everything_ he had done since waking was for their sake. The sleepless nights working under Marcus, struggling to design torpedoes to conceal them. All the times he heard whispered insults in halls and bit back a reply, knowing a fight would only result in a cryotube’s life support systems cut. A ring dropped into a glass of water, senior Starfleet staff gathered in one room. He had _killed_ people, for his family.

But none of that mattered, now. Because no matter how hard he had fought to save them, they were dead.

He wonders if maybe Juana saving him and his siblings was a cosmic mistake that was never supposed to happen. Maybe they were never intended to be free. Maybe the stars that he now flew between had different plans than happiness for them.

Juana had truly believed that they could make it across the border, make it to safety. She would say as much whenever she would touch the little cross on her necklace and tell Khan about God. Tell Khan that he was a child of God, that God would protect them, and that God loved all his creations – including Khan.

But she was wrong. Because Khan wasn’t created by God – he was created by evil, evil people. People who would beat Augmented children into unconsciousness to test their recovery rates, who would hold them underwater until they choked on water to record their lung capacity. Khan’s creators might have played God, but they were no loving entity.

And it’s not exactly like Augments were made to be loved. They were built for endurance, for fighting, for killing. For _war._

Not to be loved. By a God or by his humans.

Juana had loved them, but she was the only human who did. The only other love they ever got was from each other – brothers and sisters who were always together in spirit when they couldn’t be in body, who would live for each other, kill for each other, die for each other.

_I’ve already done the first two of those_ , Khan muses as he sits in his cell. His eyes drift back down at the phaser he’d stolen from a guard, turning it over idly in his hands.

Maybe it was time for the third.

Juana had talked oftentimes about Heaven – a place that good people went after they died, to be together forever with God. They were always safe and happy in Heaven, even if they had been hurting on Earth. She often spoke of her mother being in Heaven, and how she would see her again when she got there herself. She said that Heaven was a place that families re-united after death and were together forever.

Khan wonders if it’s just humans who can go to Heaven, or if it was Augments too. If it was both, he was sure his brothers and sisters were there, too. Not cold or hurt anymore. Not branded by ink across their necks. They were together and happy, but maybe wondering where he was.

He hates to disappoint them, but he’s not so sure he’ll make it – he’s hurt people, killed people. He’s doesn’t feel like a hero, nor does he feel like a good person. He doesn’t know what kind of angel would open the gates of Heaven for the likes of him.

But he can’t live without them. And everything he’s done is for that reason. Everything he’s done is because he loved them so, _so much_.

So maybe – just maybe – God would understand.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't do what Khan does.  
> http://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/


End file.
